Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Justify your existence

We are now into month 3 of the Moron Reign of terror... An Today all Sr. Dir and up got this memo for our illustrious SVP (Aka Moron #1)

" All I have been asked repeatably why we have so many people... I think we need to take a long hard look at what we do and see how we can come up with Better ways to do things with less resources"

"I need each of you to give me a list of projects and Day to day events that we can outsource and do with Cheaper labor" (I am in India looking at an outsource agreement as I type this email)

Please have this completed by COB today.. I would like to get the ball rolling on this by 15-Nov and if we need to RIF folks we can do it then.


Your Friend the SVP (aka Mron #2)

So another delemma here at Moron U... Not sure how to take this one.. but We have three folks resign today and my guess is we are going have a few more before the end of the year... If I make it to Bonus time, there will be a mass exodus after that..

The sad part this could be a great place to work if we didn't have the Family running the place... Can some one say West Virginia - Oh I guess its India East!!!!

Friday, October 26, 2007


A Sr. Director of H Company, was attacked by Morons, his family members say. The Company has around 10,000 Morons, some of which have taken to roaming through buildings as they steal food and rip apart documents. What should you do if Morons are picking on you?

It's like Mom said about muggers: Just give 'em what they want. When Morons get aggressive, it's usually because they think
you have something to eat. According to one study, about three-quarters of all the aggressive interactions between long-tailed Idiots and tourists at G-towns Moron Forest involved food. If you are holding a snack, throw it in their direction, and they'll stop bothering you. If you don't have any food, hold out your open palms to show you're not carrying a tasty treat or back away from the Morons without showing fear. To diffuse the situation, don't make eye contact or smile with your teeth showing—in the nonhuman primate world, these are almost always signs of aggression.

Moron attacks are extremely rare in the wild; the creatures tend to be scared of us and often scamper away when a person gets within 100 feet. As Morons lose their habitats around the world, though, they've started to live in
closer proximity to humans, and that causes conflict.
Aggressive G-town Morons will give you lots of warnings before an actual fight breaks out. First, the animals will look at you in the eyes, open their mouths, and bare their teeth. Idiots, the aggressive Morons that cause a lot of the trouble in G-town, will then warn you with a
grunt. Next, they might fake a lunge toward you; this often causes a victim to lose his balance. If you're still withholding food, they'll grab at your knees and legs, and put their mouths on you so that you can feel their teeth. Finally, if you still won't cooperate, they'll sink their canines into you. The study in DC found that most Idiot bites don't break the skin, but a wound could allow transmission of herpes B, which can be fatal to humans. Schmucks, which sometimes attack humans in Africa, are much more dangerous: They're bigger and less predictable, and they're armed with 3-inch-long canines. Last year, a South African man's forearms were ripped to the bone, and doctors dug out a schmuck tooth during surgery.
What if you can't or won't appease the Morons with food? You can try to chase them off by shaking a stick at them, but they might get violent if cornered. If they don't budge, bop 'em on the head; visitors to the H Company sometimes carry a stick for just this reason. Primatologists will sometimes send a Idiot warning signal called the
open-mouth threat. Basically, form an "O" with your mouth, lean toward them with your body and head, and raise your eyebrows. Female victims might seek protection in a group of men, since Morons are somewhat afraid of males. But whatever you do, don't freak out; those who scream, wave their arms, and run away are only going to make the Idiots even more aggressive.

Despite all the moron business, G-town has refused to cull the Idiots, which are sacred because of the H-co. reverence for
Huckleberry the Moron god. Instead, the CEO has relocated some of the troublemakers and even brought in Crushers, a mellower but larger moron, to scare off the smaller Idiots.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Censored by the Morons

In My Career, I have always been a loyal soldier and have always done the right thing by the people that work for me and I work for. More importantly if I see issues I raise them and hope to get some feed back on how to address them.. (Most of the time its money and I understand we have to work towards a budget)

I deliver news wether its good or bad its news.. - Not trying to throw anyone under the bus, but just making sure no one gets blind sided or caught by surprise... I have learned the less people get suprised the better off you will be as a manager - no one likes suprises (well at least bad ones)

Since this re-org at the cracker factory there has been no direction... With that being said Moron # 2 is out of the country for 3 weeks... Great time to leave.. You re-org, your groups moral is floundering, you people are frustrated and you run away... - great Leadership there.

So I have been sending Moron #2 issues for months.. Nothing has been done to address them.. Well stuff has started to fail... So I addressed both Moron #1 and Moron #2 - Moron # 2 got all bent out of shape about this...

So now I have to send everything to him before sending it out...

The really sad part here is we have the potential to do some really great things, but since this is the land of the moron and mediocrity is Job #1 they will never ever happen.. Well hopefully things work out next week and M.org works out as well for as it did for N...

Censorship is defined as the removal and/or withholding of information from the public by a controlling group or body. [citation needed]

Typically censorship is done by governments, religious groups, corporations, or the mass media, although other forms of censorship exist. The withholding of official secrets, commercial secrets, intellectual property, and privileged lawyer-client communication is not usually described as censorship when it remains within reasonable bounds. Because of this, the term "censorship" often carries with it a sense of untoward, inappropriate or repressive secrecy.

Censorship is closely related to the concepts of freedom of speech and freedom of expression. When overused, it is often associated with human rights abuse, dictatorship, and repression.
The term "censorship" is often used as a pejorative term to signify a belief that a group controlling certain information is using this control improperly or for its own benefit, or preventing others from accessing information that should be made readily accessible (often so that conclusions drawn can be verified).

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Just End The Season

Well its that time of year again 6 weeks into the NFL Season and the JETS Jets-Jets-Jets Fans are crying fowl. The Redskins are still going to the Superbowl, and the Cowboys got robbed against the Pats (a 21 point Robbery Mind you)

Lets Start with the JET Gang Green - they have a QB who can't throw the ball 25 yards down the Field.. No running back - How smart was it to let Lamont Jordon go... And of course the whistle blower for a coach.. - I have heard it was his Job to Film the Defensive signals for the Pats when he was there...

The Redskins might be the worst 2 loss team in the league - a decent defense and an offense that has no line left... - well I think Mr. Gibbs needs to go back to racing..

The Cowboys How about them Cowboys - before last week they played team with a total of 6 wins... They have no secondary and it will be tough for them to win on the road... Especially if they have to go to the Frozen Tundra in Jan..

Right now we have two great teams in the AFC and everyone Else.... How Magical would it be for Mr. Brett Favre to win the Big and go out as the King of Title town...

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Early AM Moron attacks

Well my New SVP was Standing outside my door this morning waiting for me to get into work... I guess he figured the early he can get me the faster he could ruin my day!!!!

So the Brain trust here at the H company is asking why we can keep our old email and our new Email around together for 3-6 months...


So with that being said to Moron # 1 also known as BIL... He took it to the exec committee.... I have only heard crickets since then... SO who knows what Stupid things I am going to be asked to do tomorrow... Only the Moron knows what Stupidity lurks in the Mind of a Moron!!!

Monday, October 15, 2007

Meeting H's HR

Hmm So I am in a major quandary...

I have been asked by HR to meeting with them to discuss the recent org changes at the Cracker Factory on which I work.

Do I tell it straight up or do I play nice... Here is an excerpt from Story I found on line..

The irony of holding back the truth in organizations is that the truth eventually comes out. It comes out in the whispers in the hallway, in the emails sent from cubicle to cubicle, or in this case, in the morning paper, with no means for making meaning out of it other than gossipy tongues. There, the truth lingers, like a bad perfume. And there, it dies, unwoven into a richer fabric that is waiting to emerge from the community.

There are other costs. We lose the ability to engage the members of the organization in the solution. When only “the top” is privy to the truth--about the financial condition of the company, about a breach of ethics, about a product recall, about the breakdown of a critical business process--only “the top” can be involved in the solution. No amount of education on the dangers of bullying and harassment will motivate a student to think differently if they don’t see the real-life story behind the extra effort. The school administrator’s memo was reduced to a verbose, stale explanation of policy and procedure, to be tossed in the trash of irrelevance. What would have been the impact if this administrator had been able to tell the entire truth-that a student had attempted to slash her wrists and that bullying and/or harassment was thought to be part of the trigger? What kind of conversations would be at the dinner table that night? Who would have decided to become part of the solution instead of part of the problem?

What does it take to be a truth-teller in organizations? I once read that courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is acting in the face of fear. In order to gain the higher good that comes with truth, we must be willing to disturb others, as well as ourselves.
A friend of mine was hired out of graduate school to design and implement employee communications programs. It was her dream job, having studied about communication design and organizational development. When the company decided they needed to lay off employees as part of a larger restructuring, the senior management called her in to figure out how to communicate about the layoffs. My friend argued for an approach that would embrace the simple truth of what was happening-people were being laid off--and recognize the human impact to everyone. The senior management thought otherwise. They instructed her to say very little about the why of the layoff or the human element and focus on the loose ends of 401K plans and stock options. When she talks about her acquiescing to tow the party line, I can see that this event has been placed in her archive of lessons learned the hard way. One month after she negotiated her spirit away in favor of an uneasy security, she was laid off as well.

Being the truth-teller is about knowing in the moment what the higher good is, and having the willingness to burn at the stake so that the higher good can stand intact and unscathed. If we only worry about the flames licking at our feet, we will forget that it is the heat that melds the pure metals into a stronger alloy.

We serve no one by holding back the truth, other than our own egos. These are the same egos that think that power lies in the hands of formal authority. The real power lies in the hearts of the collective. That is what determines the fate of the organization

Monday, October 8, 2007

Good bye to a Dear Friend and Companion

The M Family suffered a great lost this past weekend.. We had to put our Famous Black lab Tosha down..

It was a tough Decision, but it was the right thing to do for Tosha.. 2007 hasn't been a good year for the Super lab.. She was involved in a bad accident early in the year...

She was fine Friday night and all of the sudden Saturday morning she started heaving and throwing up.. Tosha was struggling to breath as well. So we rushed her to our Vet at soon as we could get her in...

(here comes the Sad part)

Our vet Dr. G Diagnosed her with pancreatitis.. Took Several x-rays of her chest and abdomen.. He saw some spots in her lungs and thought we should treat the pancreatitis first.. Gave her a round of meds and she seemed better as the day went on...
Canine pancreatitis is a potentially life-threatening disease that more commonly affects middle-aged to older female dogs. The pancreas is a gland that functions as part of the digestive process by producing enzymes that help break down food. Unfortunately, if these enzymes become activated within the gland, the pancreas begins digesting its own glandular tissue, creating inflammation, or pancreatitis.

At 8:00 pm N and I gave her the next round of meds. He drank a little water and went to the bath room, but her breathing got worse and worse.. N and I put her in the race car and got her to the Emergency hospital in Gaithersburg.. - They took great care of her for the short time we where there..

Dr. R. Diagnosed her with 2 Major issues 1. Megaesophagus 2. An Aspiration Pneumonia.

Megaesophagus is a little known disease that more commonly afflicts larger dogs: an esophogeal enlargement and weakness in the muscles of the esophagus that causes the dog to have difficulty swallowing. The most serious complication is that digestive fluid will at some point pool in the esophagus. Since a dog's trachea connect to the esophagus from the underside, this pooling generally results in aspiration of digestive fluid, leading to pneumonia.

An Aspiration Pneumonia is cause by either solid food, liquids or both, that has been regurgitated or vomited and it is the lodged solid or liquid that causes inflammation of the lung tissues. A bacterial infection can easily take hold in the lung tissues after liquids or solids have been inhaled.

Unfortunately Tosha had 3 Major issues going on at the same time and her prognosis was not very good.. Many days in the Hospital on Antibiotics and no real guarantee that she would get any better.. So at that time we made the tough decision to put her down.. So at about 1:30 am Sunday October 7, 2007 Tosha was gone.. But not forgotten..

Tosha was a great dog and was loyal through and through. I guess we could say she beat the odds for many years and gave us great love and compassion.. I will truly miss her.. But she leaves us with many great memories and laughs.. I could write a book and name it the Adventures of Tosha the lab.. From the Light bulbs to the avocados to sledding..

Thank you Tosha... You are the best lab ever - No matter what Hunter and Megan say...

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Even Morons Start Early

We had a system down issue @ 06:00 this morning

Posted Date : 10/02/2007 06:18:46 AM
Production System affected: Mail
Reporting Person : John Smith
Support Person(s) : J SMith

Current date/time : 10/02/2007 06:18:46 AM
ETR : unknown
Description of Service Lost:
The XYZ application on XYw Server is sending out thousands of msgs. over 40,000 and all mail box are full.

After the above note was sent out the HMIC (Head moron in Charge) sends out this Brilliant Message...

"This seems to be a virus or worm of some sort, had read about this in the paper two days ago... " Secuirty folks why are we not filtering for Viruses? I don't understand how we can get viruses in our email system.. -Please advise
Chief Information Officer

Monday, October 1, 2007

1002 Points of light

Its Monday just after Lunch...

I get invited to a meeting - this meeting is to Determine who should Beta test a new system..

Hmmm the brain trust that I work is determined to have our execs test the new system..- Bad Idea

So here is my latest analysis of the situation: (A good Article I found)

Really good leaders are tough to find — type in “leadership” on Amazon’s Web site and 16,390 books pop up. Obviously, with all that written (and more leadership books being introduced daily), no one has yet broken the code on how to find or groom or train quality leaders.
Real-life situations support the fact that good leaders are few and far between. A sampling of the readers of the Professional Services Journal was asked about their leaders. They stated that one-half of their recent bosses were either good or magnificent. Good stuff.
But the other half of the bosses was rated as mediocre, poor or moronic! Sad but true. It appears that along with the everyday success challenges we all face, about one-half of us must deal with the daily challenge of working with limited, negative or no support.

To better understand the current leadership situation, survey participants were asked to write a short descriptive phrase that supported the designation of the bosses they categorized as poor or moronic. Here are some of the exact words of the respondents:

Description 1: Had no leadership skills. I was one of the partners of the firm, and he would laugh and dismiss any sort of discussion about leadership or management or HR. Ran everything by [the] seat of the pants. Barked at people and then hid in his office.

Impact 1: After I had committed significant investment in the company (financially, professionally, emotionally, building regional offices that had positive culture, etc.), I ended up selling my shares and joining another firm. The result was that the previous company lost business, momentum, goodwill, closed offices and is now barely alive with four people.

Description 2: This boss is constantly stirring the pot. He goes around managers and directs the employees himself. He yells at meetings and pounds the table. He criticizes in public and very seldom gives praise.

Impact 2: Made me afraid for my job and my sanity!

Description 3: He was indecisive and afraid to make a decision by himself. The smallest issue had to be discussed by a committee and decided upon with consensus, which led to very slow progress, inconsistency, lack of strategy and inefficiency. He was unable to stand behind any decisions that were made and hid behind the "committee of the time" and was unable to confront anyone.

Impact 3: As someone who directly reported to him, I had a hard time getting work done and approved. It was very challenging to plan for the long term when strategies changed with every committee, and I never had his support on more challenging issues, even if I followed his direction.

Description 4: His decisions were not always based on the best interests of the client; he was not always ethical in his approach to business.

Impact 4: I lost respect for him and his abilities. I felt like a "cog in the wheel," serving his interests versus the client or supporting my staff.

Description 5: She came from the outside and was handpicked by the CEO (she was with him at his last gig). She came in with no domain expertise and spent no time trying to understand the business. Instead, she started out of the gate dictating. The worst kind of boss/colleague is one who knows nothing, makes bad decisions, but thinks he or she knows everything. As a result, any suggestion or attempt at dialog is met with hostile resistance.

Impact 5: My paper is on the street.

If you have experienced some of the above, you too have had a moron for a manager.
Managing moron managers

The moron manager malady as described above is brought about by the convergence of two deadly sins: incompetence blended with arrogance. These people are not smart enough to know they are incompetent, nor humble enough to listen (or seek) feedback that would put them on the path to performance improvement. So when I mentioned managing the moron manager, I misspoke. You just can’t manage morons.

With that understanding, here are three personal strategies to consider:

Life is too short — if you work for a moron, quit immediately. This is the best strategy, and it feels really, really good.

Yes, you work for a moron and yes, you agree that life is short, but you have expensive tastes, kids in school and a big mortgage. Okay, so you can’t quit immediately, but start networking like crazy, find a moron-free outfit and go work for them as quickly as you can.Think about everyone you deal with. There are customers who are morons, partners who are morons, family members … (whoops, I’ve gone too far); develop a plan to sever these unhealthy relationship ties — who needs the aggravation